How do I build rapport?

1.Don’t BS. Let’s get one thing straight. BSing destroys credibility. If you want to become a successful executive or leader, don’t BS. Period. It doesn’t matter how smart others think you are, just how smart you really are.
2.It’s never about you; it’s always about them. Connecting with people means finding things you have in common, or even different views on a subject you both feel strongly about. You already know you, what you don’t know is them.
3.People like to be schmoozed. I know some will disagree, but they’re wrong. People like attention, to be noticed, to connect and engage. That is, as long as you’re straightforward about it.
4.Be open and genuine. Be you. The most effective way to connect with people and find common ground is to be yourself, with all your native charm, faults, and idiosyncrasies. There’s nothing more attractive than genuine humanity - humility, humor, being yourself.
5.Don’t overdo it. Next to BSing and trying to be someone you’re not, trying too hard is the biggest schmoozing pitfall. Pushing too hard will backfire.
6.Everyone is schmoozable. CEOs, VCs, tough administrative assistants, everyone is schmoozable, for the simple reason that everyone likes the attention … under the right conditions.
7.Always be appropriate. Never overstep your bounds or make others feel uncomfortable. Never invade someone’s personal space. Not sure what the boundaries are? It’s different for everyone, so pay attention; they’ll let you know.
8.Always be respectful of people’s time. Now more than ever, our time is our most precious resource. Enough said.
9.Don’t talk at people. Nobody likes to be talked at. They like to be engaged. They like to be listened to. There’s a big difference. Just remember: give a little, get a little.
10.Let yourself be schmoozed. Although, by definition, schmoozing is related to persuasion, you’ll be better off just thinking of it in terms of long-term relationships. That means you should always be willing to help people first. It’s good Karma.

Public Speaking - The Most Common Storytelling Mistake

The Most Common Storytelling Mistake

By far the most common mistake speakers make with their stories is having too much narration and not enough dialogue. For example, they’ll say something like the following:

“And the principal threw me out of the school and told me never to come back.” Now that’s narration. However, dialogue would go something like this:

“And the principal looked me directly in the eyes and said, ‘Mr. Valentine, you are expelled. Don’t ever step a foot back into this building.’” That’s dialogue.

Narration is retelling a story but dialogue is reliving it. When you relive it, the audience hears exactly what you heard exactly how you heard it. They feel like they are there!

The Necessary Adjustment

If speakers would make the simple adjustment of replacing much of their narration with dialogue, they would automatically and immediately do one of the most powerful things in public speaking. They’d bring the audience into the present moment of the scene they created. Narration is retelling a story but dialogue is reliving it. When you relive it, the audience hears exactly what you heard exactly how you heard it. They feel like they are there!

Three Types of Dialogue you can use to Bring your audience into your Scenes

Most speakers at least know about using dialogue but they might not know there are three major types of dialogue they can use.

Dialogue between characters

Inner dialogue

Audience dialogue

Let’s listen to a quick live audio example of each.

Dialogue between Characters

This occurs when one character is talking to another. Listen to this quick example from my speech to the engineering students at the Colorado School of Mines

The key to using dialogue in between characters is to set up the dialogue with a bit of narration. For example, the narration part was “I was so upset about this I called my friend Steve and I said…” That narration set up the dialogue of “Steve, you’re positive. Tell me something…”

The other key to using dialogue between characters is to make sure we know which character is talking. In addition to many Deliver Devices (click here for details) you can use, you can also put the recipient’s name in the line of dialogue (i.e. “Steve, tell me something…). By using Steve’s name, you now know that I’m the one who is talking. Then Steve says, “Craig, you write that book…” and we know Steve is the one talking. I picked this strategy up from Patricia Fripp

Inner Dialogue

Whereas dialogue between characters brings your audience into a scene, inner dialogue does something even greater. It brings your audience into your character’s mind. You can’t get closer to a character than that! Knowing what’s going on in a character’s mind lets your audience connect with you much deeper. Listen to this 15 second example again from the Colorado School of Mines:

The key to using inner dialogue is to avoid the phrase “I thought to myself…” Whenever I hear someone use that phrase, I ask, “Well, who else are you going to think to?” Just say, “I thought…” or “I’m thinking…” Please remember that reactions tell the story. When you can show your reactions on your face and couple that with the inner dialogue of whatever your character is feeling, that will really bring your audience into your situation and keep them hooked.

Audience Dialogue

This is one of the most important yet most neglected tools you can use as a speaker. Give the audience dialogue. This simply means, verbalize their thoughts in dialogue form. Or you can even verbalize what you want them to think and then put it into dialogue that seemingly comes from them. Listen to this 10 second example also from the Colorado School of Mines:

Obviously my audience was not actually thinking that, but I still connected by giving them dialogue even if it was just playful. So it still worked. Keep in mind I still had them use my name in the line of dialogue in order to clarify who was talking (or thinking). However, the best time to give your audience dialogue is when you can truly anticipate what they are thinking and then you can verbalize it. For example, you might tell what seems like a crazy story and then say, “You’re probably saying, ‘Craig, that’s crazy!’” Whenever you know what they’re thinking, verbalize it in dialogue coming from them. They’ll either laugh or think. Either way, you’ll connect on a deeper level.

Some of the phrases you can use to give your audience dialogue are the following:

You’re looking at me as if to say, “Scott…(dialogue)”

Now you might say, “Janet…(dialogue)”

You say, “Craig…(dialogue)”

Final thoughts

Keep in mind that good dialogue is still set up by some narration. If you only use dialogue without any set-up narration, your story will look more like a stage play. You don’t want that. If you only use narration and no dialogue, you won’t have a story.

How do I move this sales opportunity forward?

APPROACH #1: Define a viable solution. Work with the prospect to determine an approach to solving the problem.

APPROACH #2: Define economic consequences. Work with the prospect to estimate the economic impact of the problem.

APPROACH #3:Define decision criteria. Work with the prospect to understand how they’ll make a buying decision.

APPROACH #4: Define budget allocations. Work with the prospect to determine whether there is budget for a solution.

How do I ensure my Email gets opened?

Rule #1: Personalize your email address. Have an email address that identifies you clearly. Mine has my full name in it, so whomever gets my email knows right away its from me. If they know who I am, they’re more likely to open it.

Rule #2: Personalize the subject line. If possible, include the name of somebody who you are CERTAIN the recipient will know. (e.g. “[recipient's boss]: Conversation on Software Needs”] This is appropriate when you’ve been referred to the recipient.

Rule #3: Refer to a competitor. If you don’t have a referral to use with Rule #2, use the name of the recipient’s biggest competitor. That’s going to break through the “noise” in all the email messages, because it will be relevant but unusual.

Rule #4: Be specific about the benefits. Pick the two or three words that will get them to sit up and take notice. Something like “Productivity gains at [competitor]” looks like SPAM; by contrast “How [competitor] saved 20% in inventory costs” is more likely to get opened.

Rule #5: Keep it short. The subject line should be no more than 50 characters, since that’s what typically gets displayed on the email system when it’s displayed with a list of messages. If you want to see how this is done, check out how newspapers write headlines.

Rule #6: Test, Measure, Test. The only way to find out what’s going to get opened is by tracking it. Some phrases will work better than others. If you don’t track and measure, you’ll never be sure whether you’re getting the best results.

How do I effectively learn new skills and practices?

The Theory Segment

Stage 1: Unawareness. You are completely unaware that there is a skill to be learned. For example, a novice sales rep might be making cold calls without realizing that her accent is making it difficult for customers to understand what she’s saying.
Stage 2: Awareness. You realize that something isn’t working. For example, that novice rep may notice that her hit rate on the cold-calls is much lower than the other people working in that office. This causes her to ask colleagues and her sales manager for suggestions.
Stage 3: Clarification. You understand what you need to do differently. For example, that novice rep signs up for a class that will improve her diction and make it more understandable to the target customer base.
The Practice Segment

Stage 4: Awkwardness. You attempt the new behavior and find it difficult. For example, the novice attempts to apply the skills learned in the class and speak without the debilitating accent. She finds that it’s hard and exhausting to hold a conversation without slipping into the old accent. WARNING: Because the new behavior seems awkward at this stage, it’s easy to give up, conclude that the new behavior is “not right for you,” or simply too much bother to pursue. This is where people who aren’t really committed fail at follow-through.
Stage 5: Familiarity. The new behavior is easier but still not automatic. For example, the novice finds that she can now hold a conversation in the new accent without fumbling or falling into the old accent. Practicing the new skill is no longer a burden. WARNING: Once a new behavior seems easy, you’ll be tempted to neglect practicing it. In most cases, people think that they’ve mastered the skill and can move on. But, in fact, the skill is not yet automatic, which means that, without practice and ongoing attention, you will quickly slip back into the previous behavior. This is where people who are committed (but are unaware of how the human brain works) fail at follow-through.
Stage 6: Automatic. You no longer think about the behavior but simply do it. For example, the novice now finds that talking in the new accent seems more natural than the old accent. In fact, it takes a conscious decision to speak in the old accent. At this point, the brain has been reprogrammed so that the new behavior no longer needs monitoring or specific practice sessions. It’s now like “riding a bike” - a lifelong skill that you’ll never forget.
Reaching stage 6, where the new skill, behavior or habit becomes automatic, requires constant and consistent practice. The amount of time varies according to the complexity of the behavior and the degree to which the previous behavior is ingrained, though.

For example, changing a habitual negative thought (like “I’m not that good with people”) to a positive alternative (like “people really like me when they get to know me”) can be accomplished in less than two weeks, simply through five minutes of daily affirmations. By contrast, changing something major, like your eating habits, can take a commitment of an hour or more a day for six months to a year. (This is, by the way, why most dieters regain whatever weight they lose.)

If you don’t practice the new skill until you reach stage 6, so the change in behavior never becomes automatic. And that requires single-minded focus. Unfortunately, that focus is difficult to achieve. I explain why (and how to achieve that focus)
The focus required to achieve Stage 6 in today’s business world for two reasons. The first is distraction. Modern working life is full of interruptions constantly vying for your attention.

The second focus-killer is over-commitment. Most people who are committed to improving their lives often attempt to make changes in multiple areas, makes it difficult or impossible to focus on single one change long enough to reach stage 6.

For example, how many times have you heard yourself (or somebody else) say something like: “Starting tomorrow, every day I’m going to run three miles, lift weights, drink eight glasses of water, stop smoking, stop drinking coffee, and eat 50 percent less fat.” While those are all laudable goals, the likelihood that you’ll be keep up that regimen for more than a few days (let alone reach stage 6 on any element of the regimen) is practically nil.

To overcome distraction, you must set aside a very small amount of time each day - hopefully less than ten minutes to focus on the change in behavior that you seek. More time than that, and it’s likely that other priorities will intrude.

To overcome over-commitment, pick a single behavior that you wish to change, and then focus on that until it becomes automatic. Then move to the next.

Over time, your list of automatic skills will far exceed what you would ever been able to achieve through the scattershot “crash course” that’s the mainstay of sales training and self-improvement.

BTW, don’t worry that focusing on one thing will make everything else fall apart. While you focus on this one thing, the other automatic behaviors that you’ve already acquired will continue to function much the same way as before.

In other words, if you can already do what it takes to sell, focusing on improving a single sales skill won’t cause the rest of your skills to disappear.

READERS: How does Wingard’s process square with your personal experience? It matches mine perfectly

What do I need to know in B2B selling?

Before the Sale:

#1: Focus on top prospects and contact them frequently.
#2: Research prospects prior to each meeting.
#3: Commit time and energy to making the sale.
#4: Truly desire to help the prospect.
#5: Transcend the need to make the sale.
During the Sale:

#6: Listen more than you talk.
#7: Cultivate insider “coaches” to learn requirements.
#8: Communicate unique value.
#9: Interface well with your support staff.
#10: Solve problems as a consultant.
#11: Meet deadlines for customer milestones.
#12: Recognize when a sale is not going to happen.
#13: Recognize when the prospect is ready to buy.
After the Sale:

#14: Get referrals and follow up on them.
#15: Appreciate and thank the customer.
#16: Express thanks towards those who helped.
#17: Create a long-term relationship.
Throughout:

#18: Keep a sense of proportion.

What are the traits of a succesful leader and manager?

1.Exhibit flawless work ethic. Lead by example. If you screw around, they’ll emulate you. Likewise, if you’re seriously hard-working, they’ll seek your approval by doing the same.
2.Indoctrinate them with the big picture. Everybody wants to be a part of something useful. Make the work important to them by telling them why it’s important to others.
3.Set goals and hold them accountable. Goal setting in most companies is ineffective. It’s either too top down, too bottom up, or there’s little or no follow-up. Strike a balance somewhere in the middle. Where is different for each situation.
4.Provide genuine, real-time feedback, good and bad, no BS. Ask for the same from them. This is one of the hardest things for any manager to do, especially the negative stuff.
5.Promote their accomplishments and take the heat for their failures. They need to know you’ve got their back.
6.Provide the tools they need to be effective; keep management off their backs; otherwise, get out of the way.
7.Give them as much responsibility as they can handle, no more, no less. That’s sort of tricky if you have a big group because it’s really an individual thing.
8.Communicate what’s going on as openly as you can within reason and without unduly burdening them with confidential information they don’t need to know.
9.Give them personal time to get important things done. We’re not talking about running errands, but important stuff that’s got to be done 9 to 5 like doctor’s appointments.
10.Have some empathy, humility, and a sense of humor. It’ll go a long way. Mostly, be yourself. No jokes about sociopaths; they probably don’t read management blogs anyway.